I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize