I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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