Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
