the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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