You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize