Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
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