I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He had one of those small greek statue penises
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
