Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
