I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just pee around me
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize