he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
