HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
