Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
