So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
