I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I am naked and annoyed.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize