And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
