i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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