when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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