I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
