I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
