we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
