How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
