This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I believe in your delicious
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
