FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
