I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
