My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My vagina is officially offended.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
