i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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