Just fell off a train. Bad.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
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