And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
