how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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