I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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