Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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