Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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