K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize