yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
