I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
