someone threw a dead crab at me
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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