I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
