Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
