he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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