She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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