I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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