I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
