Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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