Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
