Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
