In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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