So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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