My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
