I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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