I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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