You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
