Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
