if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
