At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
