We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
