I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
