Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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