he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
