This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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