I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
