we have officially lost it.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
