You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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