So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
