I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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