when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
