Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
