hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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