Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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