You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
